Tuesday, November 29, 2011

How did I get here?



Assalamu Alaikum

As I stood in front of my window this morning looking out towards the Brisbane skyline I thought to myself - how on earth did I get here?

There was a time in my life where I dreamed about spending my days in he concrete jungle, working in a law firm, having lunch with collegues in a fancy cafe, walking around in my expensive suit. I loved the hustle and bustle of city life. On my way to uni I would take some time to stroll through the city admiring all those young female professionals rushing about. And I dreamed that that would be me one day. I was young, smart and full of ambition. But even though i was lacking in confidence, I knew I could do it. And people had so much hope in me. I was able to achieve anything I wanted to, that thought being at its peak when I reached the top 1% of the entire state in my high school grades. Alhamdulillah. This coming from a girl from a war torn land living in an abusive environment.

But I guess in the end that really took a toll on me. Suffering one abuse after another, one betrayal after another, and living in constant stress and fear for my life

But now I look out at that skyline being ever so close to that dream. But the hope is gone. The ambition is gone. The motivation is gone. I look outside and see only the broken dream of a broken girl. A dream that seems unattainable.

And then it got me - how did I get here?
What happened to that intelligent bright girl that everyone looked up to?

Where just a few years ago I would achieve anything I set my mind to, and not just achieve but excell at. Now its just one failure after another.

I could blame myself as i usually do... I could blame it on my sister who couldn't control her hatred and anger and who gave me bruises and cuts all my life. Or I can blame my parents who turned a blind eye. But then I think about it and it all started with the guy who did the unthinkable, who so violently stole my innocence and left me shattered. It happened years ago but I still haven't recovered. Even when people around me were suportive, I wasn't. He took my dignity and my self respect and I blamed myself for years and years. And i still feel so dirty. Even though everything's fine now and I have a husband thats been nothing but supportive and understanding. I still feel rotten.

And worst of all I don't believe in myself anymore. I will keep trying Inshallah but the motivation is gone. Because I don't believe I am good enough.

But Alhamdilullah. With many many prayers and nights spent crying to Allah, my life has changed for the better.I have found a new peace in my life that I never had before. And a new, although still broken, me.

And my relationship with my family has greatly improved, I talk more with my parents so now they see what's been hurting me all my life. And my relationship with my sister has also improved since she's been getting help. Now she's one of my best friends. And not to mention by great husband. I am so thankful to Allah for bringing him into my life. My whole purpose in life has now chanced towards pleasing Him. And Alhamdulillah it feels great.

I still need to work on myself and get my confidence and motivation back. I don't necessarily think I'll ever be that professional woman I always dreamed of. To be honest I don't have the energy for that lol. But success can be found in other ways. I can be a succesful mother Inshallah and for now that is all I want. And to raise my children towards Allah's pleasure, to me that would be an enormous success.

And even as I look out that window at a reminder of what could have been - I have so much to be thankful for. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for all the blessings you have bestowed on me.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

No internet :(


 

Assalamu Alaikum

It really sux not having the internet at home. And with uni over for the year I dont have easy access to the computers there either. Ive been really meaning to blog more often, just to let things off my mind I guess. Sometimes I just sit here all day.

But ye.. it sux

But I have to run now too. Just thought I'd pop in and explain why i havent been blogging. But Inshallah I'll work something out soon.

Salam

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Shopping with sis

Assalamu Alaikum

Today I finally did something kinda worth blogging about. Lately it's just been me at home studying, cooking and cleaning. Unless I go to uni or out to run some other errands.

But today my sister and her daughter came to see me from the Gold Coast. We spent a little time at my place just playing around with my niece and then we went to Stones Corner to do some shopping. It's a nice little place, kinda reminds me of Sydney but much cleaner lol. They have some really nice clothes shops and some wig shops too. There is one in particular that I love - it's got some nice little homewares that I thought I'd have to go to Sydney in order to get them. Too bad I was out of money today :(

But it was so good getting out of this monotony that has become my life. Don't get me wrong I love being married and living in Brisbane, but it's hard when you don't have your family around and you don't know anyone. But what can you do.. Inshallah all that will come around in time.

But anyway I think it's time to get back to study. I still have a lot to catch up on

Salam

Ps here's a pic of my gorgeous niece. I love her to bits

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Back at the gym... Finally

Assalamu Alaikum sisters

Yes finally I had the courage to get off my bum and get to the gym. And it feels so good.

I've been putting off transferring my membership since I got married. Just putting forward one excuse after another. I really don't like new place when I am by myself, so it was too easy for me to keep saying I'll do it next week, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it when my sister comes for a visit... You get the drift

But I'm so glad I finally had the courage to do it. I didn't stay long. We just went through my new program and then I did some cardio. To be honest I'm not a big fan of this gym so far. Robina was so much better. The people there are friendlier, the equipment is newer, and the layout is much more convenient and motivating.

But Inshallah I'll do my best to keep at it. I really need to get back in shape. Not for anybody but for me. And I love how it puts you in a much better mood even after one session.

But anyway.. I have some errands to run. I'm so over going to the bank. But you gotta do what you gotta do right...

So take care and Assalamu Aleikum

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Weekend wrap-up

Assalamu Alaikum

Just thought it's about time I jot down what's been happening lately. It really sucks not having a laptop, let alone the net lol. So we'll just have to do with my iPhone.

Mhd dropped me off at my parents place on Friday since he got sent there to work anyway. We finally sorted everything out with the hall and stuff. And then I did a little shopping with my sister at Harbour Town. We didn't buy a lot, just some little gadgets for the kitchen and stuff like that.

When he finished work Mhd joined us at my parents place as well. And took us out for some ice cream. By the time we got back it was pretty late and my mum insisted we sleep over.

The next day me and Mhd went looking for a little bathroom cabinet while my parents were working and my sister was still sleeping. We didn't find what we were looking for but there was a pretty nice one which we might buy next week. And we also went to Australia Fair and just walked around a bit and had some coffee. Then we went back home and made some food for my parents. My sister came over as well and we relaxed a bit and talked. By the time we left I was exhausted again.

And then there's today. I woke up really early as usual and did some cleaning around the house. Mhd is in bed with a fever poor baby. We still need to buy some meat. I'm new to this area so I don't know where the halal butcher is. But later my sister is coming over with her family Inshallah. I can't wait :))) it gets pretty lonely around here.

And that's all for now. Inshallah I'll keep posting more often

Take care

Salam

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I am married!!!!

I am writing today as a married woman. We had the wedding on the 1st of October. But I've been so busy with guests and house-sorting and getting adjusted to married life etc etc to get any time to post. Plus, we don't have the Internet at home so it's kinda hard to post.

Alhamdulillah the wedding went very well. We had the nikkah ceremony at the Gold Coast Mosque, followed by a nice dinner and then the girls went to another hall for a little party. Overall it was great and all the families were happy. And I was happy too Alhamdulillah.

Inshallah I'll post some more pics as soon as I collect them all and fix my laptop. But here's a couple from my phone.



And Mashallah Mhd's family is amazing All of them. I can so totally see where he gets his respect towards women from. All I can say is Mashallah. And they welcomed me with open arms and I already see them as my family. Especially the sisters. I am so happy Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless them all and keep us connected in goodness.

I am loving married life. Especially having my own home and having someone to cuddle up to. However it's not quite what I expected it to be. I never expected the loneliness. He works from early morning until after Maghrib, and comes home tired so after we eat and get some work done it's already bed time since we r both early sleepers. I'm used to a full house, so now when it's empty most of the time it does get quite lonely. Nobody told me about the loneliness until after I started complaining about it to some girls. But Alhamdulillah. It's only natural. Inshallah I'll get over it lol

I have a lot of catching up to do with study. I have exams in a few weeks and with all this wedding planning I didn't really get the chance to study. I pray to Allah to make it easy for me

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Seven days to go

Assalamu Aleikum

Sorry for the lack of posts these last few weeks (or months?)... I have been really preoccupied with wedding planning and house renovations and weight loss journeys etc etc

But Alhamdulillah I can now say that this time next week I will be a married woman Inshallah. I am really looking forward to it, well I was until this sickness got to me. I have been coughing non stop for the last week or so and I've had the fever and sore muscles and vomiting and headaches... the list goes on. I went back to see the doctor yesterday and she said it looks like it might be whooping cough. Ouch (quite literally, it hurts). But ye so now I am so numb.. it looks like this wedding might go by without me even noticing lol.

Inshallah my cough will ease up before the wedding.

I am too sore to write even now so I think I will let you peeps go.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wedding update

Assalamu Aleikum..

Well... This has been quite a productive Ramadan Mashallah. The wedding plans are almost ready to go. With one major exception - we still didn't organise the Imam!!! He is almost impossible to get a hold of - it being Ramadan and all.

But other than that, the wedding planning is well and truly rolling. We have booked the hall, made the guest list, written the draft invitations (although we can't send them out just yet considering we still have to talk to the imam, grrr what a headache), and we are well on the way making the seat and table decorations (Mashallah my mum is very talented). The food budget is still a little blurry, but Inshallah we will get to that soon. And we also have our own apartment, too bad its just sitting there empty (because somebody feels too sorry for his flatmates to leave them paying his share of the rent, so he's now paying for two rentals - don't even get me started on that one). But Inshallah we will get moving soon, we have so much furniture etc at my parents house just waiting to be moved.

And then there's the studying - lol - I have barely touched it. It's really hard when there is so much stuff to do. Its hard enough concentrating while fasting, but now all my time is taken up with this wedding. But Inshallah when Ramadan is over, I will make some time for intensive study and catch up on what I missed. I'm only doing two subjects so it shouldn't be too hard. Not to even mention the 50% assignment due next week. No wonder I am so stressed out.

And speaking of Ramadan being over, I feel  so sad. This Ramadan went by quicker than ever. I pray to Allah to accept my fasting, praying, Qur'an, Zakah and all my ibadah, and to forgive my shortcomings.  I ask Allah to forgive my sins and to admit me to the highest Jannah and protect me from the punishment of the grave and from the hellfire. I pray that He blesses my family, guides them to do acts which will lead them to His pleasure and to forgive all their sins. I ask Allah to shower his mercy on the weak, the hungry, the oppressed and all the Muslims suffering around the world - I ask Allah to relieve their pain and rewards them for their suffering. Oh Allah bless this Ummah and admit us to the Gardens of Delight. Amin

Thursday, August 18, 2011

East Africa Food Crisis - Please donate


Click here --> East Africa Food Crisis <-- donate now

May Allah reward you

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Ramadan-ing and other little updates

Assalamu Alaikim

I know I haven't been posting for a while. not too much has been happening (other than what I will talk about a little bit later...) I've been making the most of this holy month, although we can all be doing more.

Mashallah the day has been pretty much centered around Ramadan and the opportunities it brings. Waking up at 4am for Suhoor, praying Fajr and then staying up and reading the Qur'an till the sun has risen. Then if I'm too tired I'll sleep for a few more hours, and if not - its time to study (lets call it an attempt at studying - yes it's really hard. But Alhamdulillah). After studying for as long as I can concentrate, its time for Zuhr, followed by some rest. Then Asr, and then either I will cook iftar, or if mum wants to cook (which she's been so kind to do quite a bit for us girls since she is excused from fasting due to her diabetes) then I will sit down and read the Qur'an till Maghrib/iftar. After we have iftar its off to the mosque for Taraweeh prayers, then a quick chat with the family over snacks/more food, and then back to study or ready Qur'an till I'm tired enough to sleep. And not to mention lots of du'a

Alhamdulillah for giving us another chance to experience this blessed month for another year. It's such an amazing experience, especially when you take full advantage of what it brings. I kinda feel sorry for those who don't get to experience it. It is such a loss on their part.

On another note - I've decided to suspend my gym membership while I'm fasting. It's really hard and besides I don't really get the chance to attend. I'd much rather be at the mosque. This might be my last Ramadan, we never know if we will make it to the next one.

AND... here comes the exciting bit - we are so much closer to setting the date for the wedding. Actually its almost done, we just have to formally book a hall and talk to the imam. We've been looking at apartments and getting applications, and we looked around at venues, and I think I found one that I really want. So Inshallah it will all come together. I think we also have an almost-final guest list too, and the dinner menu, and the decoration-making etc is on the way. Oh and another thing that on the way is the dress :) I received a notice that it's been shipped today. Inshallah it will come soon and look great :) There is still a lot more to do but I'm happy to say that its coming along quite well. Mashallah

Alhamdulillah for everything

And last but definitely not least - please donate to help the people suffering in the East African famine. Men, women and children are dying by the thousands. We can all do a little Inshallah and give our sadaqa to Inshallah save a life.

http://www.islamic-relief.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=105:east-africa-food-crisis&catid=35:campaigns%20
http://www.muslimaid.org.au/
http://mim.io/19c361

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Ramadan Mubarak

Assalamu Alaikum





Ramadan Mubarak to the entire Muslim Ummah
May our fasts, prayers and worship be accepted

May our sins be forgiven
May our hearts become purified
May our dead be given paradise
And may our people be in peace
Have a beautiful month with family and loved ones

Love Azra


Saturday, July 30, 2011

First week back at uni

Assalamu Alaikum sisters

This week has been so busy. I went back to uni... which is kinda sad since I did absolutely nothing during my holidays. But at the same time I'm really optimistic about what this semester will bring. Alhamdulillah. I'm only doing two subjects, which might be where the optimism comes in.. Mashallah its going great so far... I get the readings done in no time, I finish uni by 2pm (compared to 8pm during past semesters), and I get plenty of time to get back home for Iftar and taraweeh during Ramadan, or a session at the gym when I'm not fasting. Not to mention the much clearer head-space. Now I just need to get my finances in order. I still ddn't find a job. But Inshallah that will come around soon too.

I only had two classes this week. Tutorials begin next week Inshallah. I'm doing International Humanitarian and Human Rights Law, and Administrative Law. Inshallah I'll be able to keep up this optimism as the weeks go by.

The gym's going good too. I'd say great but I'm refusing to cos of all the pain I'm in at the moment. After I do strength training my muscles hurt for a day or two, but I love it. But Alhamdilillah I feel much better already. I can sleep better, I can move better, and I already see a difference in confidence. I haven't weighed myself yet so I don't know if any weight came off. And I still haven't done my food coaching sessions so I'll let them weigh me when I go in on Thursday night Inshallah.

But its not al good unfortunately. I've cought my niece's flu while babysitting :(. So I've been coughing and sneezing, and I have a fever and a really sore throat. But Inshallah that will pass too...

And that's about it for now

Salam

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Gym, uni and sisters

Assalamu Alaikum

I've had a busy couple of days lately. I've been going t the gym, as per schedule. The first time I almost fainted lol.. Yes its been a long time since I've had some proper exercise. But the last two sessions were really good Mashallah. Its really good to finally get some physical activity in. I forgot how refreshing and energising it feels. I used to do it all the time. But then it just stopped. I did some cardio and Zumba last night. I loved the Zumba. Its been a while since I did any structured classes. It realy made me reminisce about those folklor days (Bosnian folkloric dancing). I had a lot of fun and with the cardio after, it really made a good workout. I'm looking forward to doing my strength training on Wednesday Inshallah. So far I've been mainly doing my legs. And even more-so I'm looking forward to being healthy again and gaining my fitness, strength and confidence back Inshallah. At the beginning it was about the weight. But to be honest that's not the thing thats motivating me anymore. I just want the health and confidence that comes along with it. There was a time in my life when I was healthy and it felt amazing. Inshallah I will be able to get there again. Afterall - you have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of everyone else.

I have my first class of the semester at uni tomorrow. Inshallah I'll get there in time after gym. I have quite a bit to prepare today. I've been putting it off the last couple of days. But I'm only doing two subjects this semester so Inshallah it won't take too long. If worse comes to worse, I'll just prepare for tomorrow's subject since there's no Thursday tutorials in the first week and I can finish everything off then.

I've also been babysitting. I took Armina out to the park yesterday morning. She's such a darling Mashallah. I took a couple of photos too.

My days out with Armina :)


I've been trying to wake up early these last few days in the hope of better nights' sleep. I've made a promise not to sleep past 8 no matter what time I actually fall asleep. Either that, or I just stay up after Fajr. I usually read the Qur'an after I pray untill the sun rises, and then I'd get sleepy and fall asleep till 11-ish. But now if I do fall asleep I make sure its only until 8. It's been really hard but I must say it's kinda working. Combined with the gym I get pretty flat out by 8/9pm and I take my sleeping pills and lay down. Mashallah I fall alseep withing 1-2 hours (which is amazing for me - usually I try forcing myself to sleep for 6 hrs on average before I doze off. And that's only if I doze off.)

But Alhamdulillah...

I've also been talking to Mhd's lil sister quite a bit lately. Mashallah she's really nice. She reminds me of a lot of my friends in Sydney. It's really good to have a good muslim sister to talk to. It's great to have someone who understands what its like to be a practicing sister here in Australia. Most of my friends are muslim, but unfortunately Bosnian people aren't very religious. So once I covered and stopped doing a lot of things I used to, it became really hard to socialise. I dunno, people just look at me differently now I guess. And we just grew apart. I still haven't found hardly any sisters who I can relate to. Basically my friend H is the only one I can talk openly to about life and religion. I really miss my sydney friends. So for me even one new sister is a huge blessing. And now I will have even more sisters Alhamdulillah.

Oh and one more thing... When I was talking to her I heard her kids asking "is it aunty?? Is it aunty??" And it hit me. I'm and aunty all over again :) I have quite a few more nephews and nieces than I'm used to. I'm here falling in love with one and then all of a sudden I have more gorgeous little children calling me Aunty. Mashallah. It brings a big fat smile to my face.

And then I realised that I'm getting a whole new family along with a husband. And they are all soooo looking ofrward to meeting me. They are not just Mhd's brothers and sisters, but they already see me as a sister too. And the more I speak to his sister (we will call her Lil L, or just L) the more comfortable I feel about this new family and the more I want to meet them. Inshallah It will all go well.

But anyhow like I said, I have quite a lot to get through today. And not much time to do it in. So I'll leave you for now and get back to it Inshallah.

Salam

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I joined the gym!!!!!!

Assalamu Alaikum

As you might know from my previous posts, I've been having some issues with my body these last couple of years. I've tried dieting a few months ago, but that somehow faded away as my exercise levels came to a halt. I'm simply too scared to exercise outside by myself since a couple of hijab-related incidents I've had. And even though I usually eat healthy, I haven't been burning any calories apart from the fortnightly walk or two that I manage to squeeze out of my fiance or sister. But I'm really in need of some good exercise. And Inshallah this gym membership will go the trick.

I've joined an all-girls gym with my sister. We've both signed up with the food coach and personal trainer (although I couldn't afford the twice-a-week training sessions like she can). So I'll just have to do with what I've got and take some helpful tips and advice from my sister Inshallah.

The girls that work there all seem really nice and friendly. And  it sounds like they are really motivating and will push you to attend on those lazy days when you really dont want to. You make a weekly program each time you see them and if you don't show up, they will call you and make you get your act together. And I really need that.

And they also have some really cool facilities like a nice change room and showers, with pink hair dryers and straighteners, kitchens, lounges, beauty salon, etc etc..

It all looks pretty good. But then again, all things exercise and health related do look pretty good at the start. It's keeping up with the motivation that's really hard. But Inshallah the girls and my sister will keep me motivated.

Salam

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Insomnia and other musings

Assalamu Alaikum

I've been having so much trouble sleeping these last few weeks.. especially the last couple of nights. I am so exhausted. My head is so heavy that it feels like I'm carrying a stones in my head, my eyes are swollen and extremely heavy. But at the same time I can't get them to stay closed. My body is aching, I have trouble walking a straight line and I am so weak. And my mind keeps switching between racing at 100 miles an hour to blank emptiness. But no sleep. I've tried warm milk and honey, warm milk without the honey, hot showers, walks before bedtime, and even sleeping pills. But still no sleep. The only time I manage to fall asleep is about an hour before the alarm goes off for Fajr. And after I pray and read some Qur'an the cycle starts all over again. Sometimes I manage 2-3hrs, sometimes not even that. And I am so exhausted... Sometimes I'd do anything for a decent nights sleep.

I'm still babysitting my little niece most days of the week. She is such a little angel. Mashallah. I miss her so much when her mum takes her to kindy. We have so much fun together and I just love her to bits :) Even with all my tiredness and lack of sleep we get through the day with no dramas or tantrums (well apart from the occasional tantrum but we settle that down pretty quick - she is a toddler afterall)... Its like she understands what I'm going through and listens to everything. Mashallah.

I was fasting today and Inshallah tomorrow I will finish making up my missed fasts from last Ramadan. I know I left it a bit too late, but with the heat and humidity of summer around here it gets hard. But its "winter" now so I'll enjoy it while it lasts - the entire month. Its already starting to heat up. But Alhamdulillah.

Oh, and I bought this garment steamer from KMart yesterday. And it is soooo good. I absolutely hate ironing clothes so I was so happy to pull it out and finally take control over the ironing basket. It takes a little longer than the iron but the clothes are so refreshed and there's no crinkles or burns like you get from ironing. I especially loved using it to 'iron' shirts and my hijabs. I don't know if others get this as well, but i normally have to go over my hijab like 4-5 times with an iron to get it wrinkle-free. But with this thing you just do it once and its all good. Alhamdulillah. I'm really happy so far.

My holidays are almost over and it feels like they've been such a waste. I didn't get anything done.. I even completely forgot about applying for clerkships. This insomnia is really taking a hold of me. I really wish I could have gone somewhere, even just for the day. But I still have the weekend Inshallah, you never know - I might get a surprise outing... lol who am I kidding???

Anyway... my mind is going blank again so I'm gonna try getting some sleep again. I took my sleeping pills and I think they might be starting to take effect. Judging from exerience I only have a teeny tiny window to fall asleep before the effect wears away. Inshallah tonight I will get some rest.

Salam

Saturday, July 9, 2011

ISLAM IN THE BIBLE - The Deen Show ~ It's a way of life.

The Deen Show ~ It's a way of life.

I found this viseo very interesting - its really worth a look Inshallah

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

HELP!! Bridal hair


Assalamu Alaikum...

It just struck me... I've been putting so much effort into finding the perfect dress, the perfect make-up, the perfect hijab design for the wedding. But it never occurred to me what to do with my hair!! 

And I have no idea... Should I straighten it? Curl it? Style it somehow??? I was thinking maybe I can do a nice up-do and put on the hijab over that - it would give a nice shape after all, but I am worried it will fall apart by the time I can reveal it.. Or maybe straighten it so that it looks nice and shiny,  but then it will only get ruined once I put it up and put on the undercap and hijab etc... And I want it to be really nice when my husband first sees it

I really need your help on this one.. None of my friends got married while observing hijab so I cant ask them...

So ladies - what do you suggest would be a good thing for a hijabi to do with her hair on the wedding night? Does anyone have any stories to share? What did you do with your hair on your wedding night?

PS I have fairly long hair (up to the waist)... 

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated

Salam

Babysitting Armina


Assalamu Alaikum

The last couple of days I've been babysitting my niece Armina... She's such a little cutie pie.

We played with goop, made paper hats and boats, took a trip to timezone after meeting up with a friend, and danced to the wiggles until our feet gave in. We had such a good time :) and she was so well behaved Mashallah.. I can't wait to have one of my own Inshallah. Even the poopy nappy changes weren't too bad lol/

Speaking of babies... so many people are giving birth these days... Just today my next dor neighbour rang up and told be her daughter gave birth to a baby boy Mashallah. She named him Abdurrahman. May Allah bless the mother, baby and their entire family. My fiance's father also got a baby boy a couple of weeks ago.. I'm not sure if I mentioned it. And a few of my other friends are expecting in the near future..


But anyway... here's a few photos that I took the last few days with my niece.. I wish I could have taken more while we were having fun making hats and boats and goop... but I guess the camera wasn't handy.

Timezone
Timezone



Timezone

Dancing to the Wiggles - till the pants fell off lol

Today I have the whole day to myself... So Inshallah I will go make a cake.. I don't make cakes very often but Inshallah it won't be a disaster. I found a blog with heaps of Bosnian cake recipes - the cakes that I remember eating as a child. Unfortunately my mum doesn't make any cakes anymore.. so I'll just follow the recipe and Inshallah it will turn out great.


Salam

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Another sleepless night

Assalamu Alaikum...

I've really been having trouble sleeping lately. I get tired late-afternoon, but as soon as a reasonable hour comes along, I become wide awake. Its almost impossible to fall asleep. So instead of  torturing myself in bed tonight I thought I'd just give u a little update.

I had that interview on Thursday afternoon. I was soo nervous leading up to it. But once I met the ladies and started talking, all the nerves were gone. Actually I think I did ok considering it was my first interview Alhamdulillah. When I met everyone they asked me to do a 30 minute exercise, which was basically a super-easy law question. And then I went in and they asked me a few questions and we had a nice little chat at the end about the job etc.

Today was spent basically cleaning and watching TV, nothing too interesting.

And tomorrow Inshallah I'll be babysitting my gorgeous niece while everyone else is out working. Should be fun :)) me and her always seem to have a good time.

Anyway, Im getting a bit drowsy so Im gonna hop back into bed before it wears off and Inshallah I'll be able to fall asleep.

Salam

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Bucket of nerves

Assalamu alaykum..

Once again I can't sleep.. I have a job interview tomorrow Inshallah and I am so nervous. It's the final stage for the Department of Immigration and i dunno... It's scary. Especially considering it's my first interview, and it's for the job that I really want.

The last couple of days I've been running around getting things ready.. I bought a nice suit and shirt which I can hijabify. And I've been copying documents and collecting whatever else I need.

But Inshallah all will be well. If I get the job - then that's great. And if I don't - then that might be even better. I would be able to take my time with uni, and try again next year. If I do get the job then I have to do four subjects at uni next semester. And with Ramadan that would be tough. I did want to take another semester at uni. But I don't know what's best... Only Allah knows.

So ye.. I'm gonna try to get some sleep for tonight - I have a big day ahead of me...

So Assalamu Alaikum and goodnight.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"Go back to where you came from" Reflections

Asalamu Alaykum

I have been watching the SBS series "Go back to where you came from" - a show about Australians going through the journey of many refugees. Today is the 2nd installment and I have been crying since the show began.

It's just so sad to see all those people go through this. All the pain and fear they are going through it's just oh so sad. And the thing is, I went through that. It was just a small speck in my memory, almost forgotten. And now I have been blessed with so much, but it never got through to me. I live in peace, I have a safe home, safe food, my family is safe, I never go hungry, I can sleep without fear for myself or my family. I have a bright future, even if I live a 'poor' life - I am rich. And Inshallah when I have children I they too will have it all.

All I can say is Alhamdulillah. I have been blessed with so much. Oh Allah please forgive me for all the times I complain. Oh Allah forgive me for being ungrateful. Thank You for all the things You have blessed me with. Forgive my ignorance of Your blessings.

Oh Allah bless these people. Oh Allah ease their suffering and grant them the highest station in Jannah.

I see them and all they have is their bodies and their families. Nothing else is certain. Yet I see a smile on their face. They go through it all with patience and Allah in their heart. Ya Allah please give them Jannah.

Men, women and children - all they want is to be safe and to sleep at night without fear. They are just people. With hearts and dreams just like you and I. It's shocking how they are treated like criminals. And then at the end of all that pain they finally get to Australia and they get treated like dirt. Oh Allah bless them in this world and the hereafter and grant them Jannah.


What an amazing show. Although, it frustrates me to hear some people being so naive and selfish unfortunately there are a lot of people in this society that share her views. I hope this programme is viewed by the masses and it can help to open their eyes a little and break down their ignorance Inshallah. When are people going to realise that at the end of the day we are all human beings no matter what race, colour, and cultural beliefs and we all deserve to be treated humanely!


You can view the episodes online HERE

Monday, June 20, 2011

Another semester gone

Assalamu Alaykum..

After a stressful couple of weeks I am happy to report that my exams are finally over :)))

Mashallah the first two went pretty well, but the last one was extremely hard. It was so detailed and my brain just shut down. To be honest I could quite safely say it was the hardest exam in my life. But Inshallah I did enough to scrape through with a pass. Guess I'll find out soon enough.

This semester went by so fast... I don't know where the time went. But Alhamdulillah, it was also the most satisfying and productive one I've had.

And now I'm back on holidays and I don't know what to do with myself. I have quite a few things to do, but also so much free time. Inshallah I'll be able to complete some courses online. I was hoping to be planning a wedding. But it doesn't look like that's happening any time soon. But Inshallah it will soon enough. I'm just disappointed that now it looks like we have to wait until after Ramadan.

And I need to find a job, especially considering I won't get student benefits any more. Or find another course to study along with my uni degree. But either way I'll have to sort something out.

And it would be good to get away for a couple of days.

And yeah... it's time for bed so I'll leave it for now... Inshallah life will get more exciting soon

Salam

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Another update

Assalamu Alaykum

I know I haven't posted in a while... too busy studying... But I thought I'd do a quick little update before I get back into it this morning.

It hasn't been a good couple of weeks. I am just so stressed out with everything, from family, to exams, to weddings, jobs, bills, parents... the list goes on. T o be honest, even all this time I'm taking off to study isn't paying off. I'm simply too stressed, and nothing sticks. My parents aren't on good terms these days, and unfortunately it looks like they might be heading for splitsville. I pray to Allah that He gives them ease in this difficult time and the patience to work things out. They are both just so frustrated with life's stresses and they take it out on each other, most of the time for no reason. But Inshallah they will turn towards Allah and turn to each other, instead of hurting one another. Sometimes I think who am I kidding? But anything is possible by the will of Allah. Please make du'a for my parents, and my whole family.

But I'm trying really hard to let it all go and just focus on studying. Exams will be over in less than two weeks, and then I can work on everything else Inshallah.

But it wasn't all doom and gloom. I've had a few great days in there somewhere too.  met up with an old friend who I was so close to in my high school days and early uni days.. we were together almost every day until she moved to Brisbane a couple of years ago. But Inshallah we can catch up more often.

Mohamed has been great though... (well, most of the time - I was upset with him on Friday cos he was too tired from a 12hr shift to come see me - but he made up for it with a box of Lindt chocolate yummmm). I haven't told him everything yet, cos Im trying to block it out until exams are over. But he knows I'm really stressed out and he's being really supportive. Alhamdulillah

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I got through to the 1st stage of the recruitment process for the Department of Immigration. I did the online assessment the other day, and I got 20/24 questions correct. I still don't know if I will make it through to the next stage, but either way I'm just grateful to Allah that I got through to where I am. I wasn't expecting any of it. It is my no. 1 choice. If only they offered the position in Brisbane/Sydney this year. Its only available n Canberra. But Inshallah we will cross that hurdle if and when it comes up.

Yummmm.... chocolate...

Anyway. What else?

Ooooh - we paid off the wedding ring too.. its sitting in a secret hiding spot in my room (secret? who am I kidding??)

I went to a zabava ( a bosnian dinner/dance get together thingo) last weekend. It was pretty good, but I didnt stay long though. I just didn't feel comfortable with the alcohol. I'm gonna stick to the non-alcohol ones from now on (which means I'm gonna have to wait till the Brisbane people organise one). To be honest I ddn't even contemplate that there would be alcohol. Before I put on the hijab, I didn't even notice it. But now it was like a needle pricking your eyes the whole time. Only a few men drank, but it was enough to put me off, and so I went home.

And today there is an International Food Day at the Gold Coast Mosque. Inshallah after I do some studying I will go with a friend and her family. Its the first time her baby will leave the house after the 40 days, I think it's awesome that its to the mosque Mashallah. My sisters will be there too, and Mohamed if he ever decides to wake up (I can hear him snoring away in the living room - and he says he doesnt snore lol.)

But yeah thats all I can think of... the rest is just stress and study, or study-avoidance. But I have to get a move-on. My first exam is in two days time, and the next one the following day. So I really don't have any time to waste..

Salam

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Study Stress

Assalamu Alaykum...

Unfortunately I won't be able to update my blog for a couple of weeks. I am soooo overwhelmed with studying for my exams that I really can't afford to take some time out. It just crept up on me. Its the last week of classes at uni, and I havent even caught up on the lectures I missed. I was sooo good with the study routine until about half way through the  semester, until the assignments etc kicked in. And then I gave myself too many breaks and days off, and now I'm screwed again. But Inshallah I will be able to catch up and study hard, and get right back on top of things. And pass the exams with flying colours Inshallah.

But unfortunately I have to lay off some distractions, including this blog. But Inshallah I will be back soon.

Salam

Monday, May 23, 2011

Weekend wrap-up

Assalamu Alaikum

Now that the weekend is over and I've had a little time to rest I thought I'd fill u in on what's been happening.

On Saturday my family hosted a lamb get together at my house. Basically we invited a bunch of families to our house, and the men cooked lamb on the spit outside. I don't know what it is about Bosnians and their lamb on the spit. I can't even look at it, it reminds me of a little baby lamb playing around in the fields who suddenly gets butchered, has a pole shoved through it and thrown into the fire. I like my meat in pieces, the less it resembles the animal the better. Otherwise I can't eat it. But it was a pretty good day. No dramas, everyone got along well. And the meat was really good, until I stumbled upon a vein. That just put me off completely and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day. But other than that, it was good catching up with everyone and taking a break from studying.

My ring in the box :))
On Sunday my fiance decided to surprise me with a ring :)))) it was that ring I spoke about here. Not both of them, just the engagement ring. Not that I wanted an engagement ring, but he wanted to buy it and who am I to refuse?? But it is beautiful. I don't wear it on the left ring finger, my mum and I always used to get into little squibbles about where the wedding ring goes - traditionally in my culture it goes on the middle finger of the right hand. And the Prophet sa always used to prefer the right, so this time I am choosing to agree with my mum and put it on my right hand. I was soooo happy when I got it, I just couldn't stop smiling for the whole day. On Friday night I was so disappointed that he wasn't coming. But he more than made up for it with the ring.

We also went to the movies with my sister to watch the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I'm not a big fan of the series, but Mhd and my sister were so into them. So I, still high from the ring surprise, agreed to come along. I guess it wasn't too bad, I didn't fall asleep like I did when I watched the other ones on TV. But actually I have to admit it was kinda interesting. Maybe because this time it didn't have too many weird creatures and extremely crazy twists.

And whenever I had some spare time I squeezed in some study :) like the good student I am (lol)

Now its back to that study... I still have a lot I have to catch up on. I am planning to Inshallah catch up on all my tax lectures before my regular tax law lecture on Wednesday.

Salam

Friday, May 20, 2011

Study Study Study and Sydney Pictures

Assalamu Alaykum


I apologise for the lack of posts. I've been so busy with assignments, presentations, and online exams. And now that most of that has been done I have to catch up on all the readings from the last couple of weeks and the lectures I missed. But Inshallah I will get all that done soon and I'll have more stress-free time available where I don't feel guilty stealing that half an hour or so to blog.

And have posted pictures from the holiday Holiday.. not a lot but it will do..

Salam

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Since Sydney

Assalamu Alaykum

Just thought I'd give a little update on what's been going on lately. I've been so busy with my assignment (either working on it or procrastinating...) that I've hardly had a chance to do anything else.

My grandma has made it to Bosnia safe and sound Mashallah. She's staying in the family home where my mother grew up. It must be great going back in time and seeing her family. Inshallah it will be a good trip for her.

 I'm working on a presentation for uni.. which I have to present tomorrow. I am so terrified... It's my first presentation I have to do as a hijabi. I hardly got used to the way people look at me when I walk into a classroom, and now I have to talk in front of them also. I've never liked public speaking. It really scares me to bits. Especially now. I wish I could just fake an illness and avoid this thing. But I know I just have to face it and Inshallah it will be ok. May Allah take away my fear and give me the confidence I need to do well in this presentation. Amin.

Well... enough wasting time.. it's time for Zuhr and then back to assignmenting Inshallah

Salam

Friday, May 6, 2011

Goodbye Sydney

Assalamu Alaykum

I wrote this post on Tuesday night... I guess i forgot to press publish... I'm not going to change it.. Here it goes...

Me mum and grandma
Today is the day we go back to the Gold Coast. I was soooo sad to say good bye to grandma. May Allah keep her safe and in good health.

I spent a lit if last night taking to her one on one while my family was at my cousins. We spent hours talking like the good old days. I really miss that. That was the best thing about having her here.. The long talks and a lifetime of stories and advice. It really brings me joy talking to her. She's like a real life history book, with a great sense of humour. My grandma is one of the most amazing women on this planet. And she has a heart of gold. May Allah bless her with all the goodness of this life and the next.

I already miss her. And I miss Sydney and everyone who is there. May Allah bring me back to Sydney one day soon. To everyone who lives there and is constantly complaining about the traffic or the stress - you don't know how lucky u r to be living there. It's so true when they say you don't know what u have until it's gone. You have so many opportunities for a good life there. There are good people there and good communities, and so much to do and get involved in. Not to mention the Mosques and Islamic organizations. I wish I could take advantage of all that. I'm not saying it's the perfect place to be, we all know it's far from it. But there is so much goodness there besides all that. Imagine what it's like for me - everything bad about Sydney I have it here too, but with only maybe 20% of the goodness. Sure it might be more pleasing to the eye and a little less crowded buy that's about it.

Anyway I am so exhausted after the long long trip. There was so much rain and other delays and it felt like we were traveling for days. We ended up coming back at 11pm. So I'm gonna catch a few zzzzz's if I can. I have a long day ahead of me at uni.

Salam

Monday, May 2, 2011

Day 3

Assalamu Alaykum

Today wasn't as full on as the last couple of days. We just went shopping and went back home. My parents and sisters went to see another cousin of ours but I decided to just stay back and spend sone time with grandma.

It started off not so good. I woke up to hear my mum fighting with her sister. I don't know what's happening over here but it doesn't look good. And the way my aunty yelled at my grandma just made me sick. I couldn't believe it. I don't want to bitch about my aunty but there is absolutely no respect in this house. Only stubbornness and defiance. But anyway.. The point was, my day began with tears and shock. Especially when I saw the way my grandma was treated. I hate to see her stay in this house one more day. But there's not much I can do. At least she will get to go to Bosnia in a couple of days. She does not deserve to be treated like this. She needs to be taken care of and treated with kindness, not disrespected and yelled at. May Allah bless my grandma with all the goodness there is and may He give her peace and strength in everything she does. Amin.

After a while we dropped my youngest sister off at the library to work on an assignment and went back to Auburn to buy some things. We had a kebab and continued with the shopping. I only bought a skirt and some things for Mohamed. And a pair of shoes. And I bought the Sahih Al-Bukhari collection as a surprise for Mohamed. I think he will really like it. At least I hope he will. But my sister got all these lovely things for the home - coffee sets, tea sets, drinking glass sets a serving tray and a couple of other things. I thought it would be better not to get them for myself this time since I already have some, and no matter how beautiful they are and how much I live them, I don't need them. Not now anyway. I'm not even married yet.

And then we just caught the train back home, and my family left to see my cousins. And the rest is history.

I should go talk to my fiance.. So I guess I'm gonna go. I'll write soon Inshallah.

Salam