Its been six months since I’ve put on the hijab full time Alhamdulillah. Some things went by as expected… others were quite a surprise.
There are some things which I never even contemplated.. yet they came to life
For example the tan-line. Who would’ve thought that from now on my face would look like its been dipped in mis-matched foundation?? Not me…
Another thing I didn’t expect was that I really miss my anonymity.. I miss just blending in with the crowd. Its something my friends never really understood. I figured this out at uni. Although there are many hijabis at my campus, there is not one in any of my law classes (to be honest ever since I started uni I still haven’t met any Muslims doing law either). And as soon as I entered a lecture theatre it just felt like all eyes were on me. That’s when I realised I lost my anonymity.
But something that really got to me was that even though I was now covered, I felt so naked. Every curve that poked out of my clothes felt like it was so exposed. I just wanted to hide it. Even though my clothes were loose, the shirt felt like it should be longer, the pants felt like they revealed too much and the chest felt naked. And then I understood when they say that hijab is not just a piece of cloth on your head and the covering of skin.. it was so much more than that. In my family, and in my culture too, hijab is not something that is taken seriously. I understood hijab as loose clothes to cover the skin and a head-cover… and I thought everything else was up to the culture… And although I am still not covered to the extent that I would like to be, the clothes cover much more than they did when I started.
Inshallah I will try to wear long loose skirts when I go out, at least when I am with my family or hijabi friends to start with.. And pretty soon I would like to wear the abaya full time Inshallah. I ask Allah to give me the strength to wear proper hijab and to guide me on the right path. And I ask Allah to let my family accept my choice to wear the hijab and to open their hearts and guide them to the real Islam. Ameen
