It's been a while since I've seriously had a look at myself... I've been too scared to face the truth.. Too long have I been in denial. But it's gotten way out of control. I used to be fit, going for a jog along the beach every 2-3 days, doing Bosnian dancing classes, eating healthy. But ever since I've met my now-fiance I've kinda let it all slip away. It started with the extra dessert, then the larger serving size (what's with Muslim men expecting you to eat the same amount of food as they do anyway??), then not jogging anymore cos he made me feel comfortable the way I am, then even larger serving sizes, and now an all-out addiction to food. So now I'm 20kg heavier than I was two years ago... And I don't really know how I let myself get here.
But it HAS to stop. I just HAVE to do something about my body.. not for my looks but for my health and for my future children. I don't want my children to have a mummy that can't play with them, or who gets too tired after 10 mins of playing tag with a one-year-old. They deserve better than that. And I pray to Allah to help me get there. And to give me beautiful, healthy children and to make me a good mother to them Inshallah. And even though my fiance tells me I look great, I still want him to look at his wife and think - wow she's beautiful.. And no matter how many times he tells me this now.. I doubt 20kg down the track anybody will find me attractive, not even him. And yes I know its whats on the inside that counts and he must find something in me.. but its still not the same.
Ive always had weight issues with my body... but this is out of control. And its time to fix it. So this is it.. I'm going to make a change. I would say I'll first start going for a walk like I used to.. but this place is not so hijabi-friendly for me to go walking by myself. So for now I will work on my diet Inshallah. I'm not making any promises yet.. I need to sit down and make a goal for myself, and then I'll get back to you. But what I can do for now is switch from white to wholemeal everything... that's easy enough don't you think?? I remember when I used to do that I felt so much healthier.. not to mention the reduced cravings.
So yeah.. that's my rant for now.. I just know I have to do something about this
